Oh no...what did I do?

I have spoiled my child. At first it was ok, it didnt really effect me. But, now that he understands what's going on, my life is out of control. I'm writing this as I'm listening to my child "cry it out" for like the 10th attempt at sleep training. Yep I'm soft. I hate to hear my kid cry. I've gotten him sleep trained a few times, and then like an idiot when he gets sick or gets a tooth and can't sleep I'm lazy and let him in my bed. This has created a problem. It went from ok you can sleep in my bed at grandma's till we move, to in my bed every freaking night. After we moved we are now in an apartment. I didn't want to let him cry, I  fear of making people mad. Instead I made myself crazy. I haven't gotten a good night's rest in 7 months. I'm tired and borderline crazy. Because of bad sleep habits I've let him establish, he's began not sleeping either. Which has caused lots of grumpy days, and whining, and me becoming a lazy, tired, bad attitude parent. Because everyone is tired. In short my life has been a nightmare, and so have i. Sorry micah.

This week, I decided no more. Sorry neighbors, you should buy some ear plugs. My 1 year old who knows what I'm trying to do will be sleep training. I didn't abandon him in our house,  I'm not abusing him, I'm just trying to get him to sleep. I decided I want to be a good mom and have energy to do things with him. I want to have a good relationship with him, and not be mad at him for laying on my face all night. I need to take care of myself,  and stop trying to people please, because I have a problem with that. I'm not here to please my kid, I'm here to teach him how to be a good person. When I don't sleep, I'm not a good person.
So this week, I may get a little grouchier and tired, and have some annoyed neighbors. But I'm hoping it results in peaceful nights sleep. Because that is what I need. Sorry little carson, I love you, but you need to learn to sleep on your own.