random thoughts

It has been a while since I blogged last. Life is fun and crazy, and sometimes I forget to keep up on blogging. I love to blog because writing and music have always been my outlet. that is how i feel like i can express myself and get out the feelings that i need to in a healthy way. As a kid I remember always writing stories, and being excited for the writing tests in school. My plan was to become an English teacher some day, instead I went to hair school. I am glad I did hair school, it was a crazy time in my life and i did a lot of learning and growing. Some day I hope to go back to school and become either an English Teacher, or a Special Needs teacher.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about goals and who i am as a person. I feel like every once in a while I hit a point where I feel lost for a little while. I feel like I'm not progressing. That's when the anxiety hits and I spiral down into the pit of grumpiness and depression. I find myself being angry at myself. I have PCOS. And I know a lot of people have it. I understand it's not the end of the world. But I feel like it has majorly impacted who I am as a person. My whole life (until i found out what was wrong) I was always so confused about why I had so many emotions and was so passionate. Well my hormones were out of balance, and what i ate and the exercise I got was super important. Now as an adult it is still frustrating. I have emotions I want to control, and in certain situations, I feel a million different emotions inside, but the worst emotion is always the outward expression. I have facial hair which is extremely embarrassing to be the girl with the beard when i forget to constantly be waxing, tweezing, or nairing. (is that a word?) I hate that pizza (my favorite food) makes me really sick, and bloat as big as a blowfish. I hate that I am constantly tired, and battling anxiety and depression. I hate that I have to work 2 or 3 times harder than everyone else to lose weight. I ABSOLUTELY hate that it causes infertility. BUT. that is what I've been dealt. I can't change it, I can only deal with it, and try to make the best of my crazy (i'm literally crazy sometimes) life. GOALS have so much to do with this. I find myself having pity parties for myself quite often. Luckily I have an amazing husband who tries his best to understand this lame condition. He pushes me to eat healthy and pushes me to work out. We both fall off the wagon sometimes, but he helps me pick my pmsy self up and start again.

This Spring I lost 20 pounds. I was so proud of myself. I noticed a lot of my symptoms disappeared when I was taking care of my body the way I needed to. Life happened, and I found myself back where I started a few months later. I have been super disappointed the past few weeks thinking of where I could have been if I didn't get lazy, and put it on the back burner. My parents always taught me that quitting was not an option. I needed to follow through with my commitments. I decided I made a goal for myself that I was going to take charge of my health. I was going to control my pcos rather than letting it control me. So that is what I need to do I know I can do it, and I've done it before. I'm also making a goal for myself to write and blog more. It's an outlet, and believe me I NEED an outlet. It is so important that we take care of ourselves and make sure we do what we need to for ourselves so that we can do what we need to for others. My goal is to continue bettering myself so that I can better my family, and strengthen my relationships with friends and family members. Goals keep us progressing. Successful people set goals, and My goal is to be successful. :)