Having gratitude

look at this handsome guy! How could I not be grateful for this goofball. Carson decided to put on his daddies glasses at hat, and thought he was the coolest guy around. I love him and am so grateful for him. Part of the reason I started my weightloss this year is so I could be a better mom to him, and so I could have another baby! I have been able to be a better mom and it has been amazing. The baby part hasn't happened for me. I know you're probably thinking it's only March, give it time. It's hard. When you're trying and it's not happening , time means thinking about why it's not working, beating yourself up, and feeling sad. At least for me anyway. I feel guilty sometimes for feeling sad I can't get pregnant on my first try. I feel guilt that maybe I'm not grateful for the amazing child I do have! I feel bad because some people have tried for years and haven't even had one. I've been angry because I want good things for my family, I want my husband to finish school, I want to spend time with him, I want to live in a nice/safe place, I want more children, and I want things to flow the way I think they should. And the things I want are good, and I've been living the way I should, so why aren't they happening? 

On Saturday was women's conference, and there were talks I really needed to hear, because I've been angry and frustrated at life lately. I've felt like I'm doing the things I should but I'm not getting my way. I've felt angry, lonely, frustrated, and felt like a failure. But I realized, it isn't always on my time table, and there is a bigger picture, and a plan for me. I just need to be grateful for what I do have, even if it isn't exactly what I want right now. Which is hard, and I'm working on the attitude thing this year remember?!? Sister oscarson said, "Heavenly Father has a mission and a plan for each of us, but he also has his own time table."  She also said "one of the hardest challenges in this life is to have faith in the Lord's timing." It was so funny because right before I turned on conference I was whining to Micah about these things. Then president eyering said "only God knows hearts,and so only He can say in -truth, 'I know how you feel.'" After conference I was a little less angry for living somewhere I don't want to live, and not getting my way. ( I promise I'm not a spoiled brat, even though that sentance kind of sounds like it) I'm heart was filled with gratitude for the things I do have. I'm grateful for the time I do get to see my husband, and I'm grateful for my chubby little hulk baby. I'm trying to be grateful for our tiny apartment, but hey would could live in a box on the corner right? I'm grateful I have things like women's conference that keep me in check and remind me that I need to stop having a pity party and that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and that I need to trust in that plan, and trust in his timing.