Healing

How do we begin to heal? It's a long process that sometimes seems like it will never end. In a way it doesn't. Life is full of trails that we are constantly overcoming. But some wounds are deeper than others. Some seem as though they wont ever heal. I've had experiences in my life that seemed so dramatic and surreal that my life felt like a movie. I've overcome physical weakness, emotional weakness, and social weaknesses. The most amazing part of it is how I got through it and came out a stronger better person. The past 8 months I've been hiding. I've been hiding in a dark cave of self pity, anxiety, and hate. I hate to admit that. I hate to admit that I let something like that take over and run my life. It's hard when people shut you out and don't let you express your feelings. It's hard when someone assassinates your character and leaves you defenseless and exposed. How do you separate yourself from those people who constantly tear you down and make you feel weak? Its' hard, especially when it is those who are closest to you. As humans we expect a lot from people. We like to be right and have things go our way. There are some people who like to manipulate and control situations by making people feel guilty. They threaten, tear down, and shut out in order to prove a point. This isn't healthy, and in my opinion is abusive. I've been working on forgiving and healing but it's hard. Its hard to find an open space in my heart to forgive when someone doesn't believe they are in the wrong. It's hard to give give give and have someone think you've never gave anything. Its hard to offer unconditional love and hospitality and for that to not be enough. It's hard to work hard on building a relationship and have it torn to pieces in an instant. I know and understand that there are always difficult people. Sometimes I feel like I am one. I am a firecracker and like to make sure my voice is heard. I have had to face those consequences my whole life, but once I learned to control the "fire" it has benefited my life so much. What happens when those people take away your voice? do you let them? Do you surrender something that defines who you are to make 2 or 3 people happy? I can't. I know who I am, and I love who I am. I love who I have fought to become. All of my trails have shaped who I am. I worked hard to become the person I am today. So today I'm picking up the pieces that have shattered over this past year. I'm slowly working on forgiving and moving on. I can't let a few bitter unhappy people define me and make me bitter and unhappy. As humans we were divinely designed to be happy. Heavenly Father has a plan for us and part of that plan is happiness. I have a beautiful little family, and wonderful hard working husband who loves me, and a handsome little boy who is a blessing beyond measure.